A line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line. (dictionary.com, 2018)
Why are boundaries so good for us?
A boundary that is set within any relationship is a good thing. Setting boundaries in order to establish what you will allow in your life in necessary to maintain respect, self respect, appropriate behaviors, interactions, and so on. Recognizing that we need boundaries in each of our relationships is necessary in building functional relationships. A relationship without boundaries spells chaos. Growing up in a family with no boundaries can lead to relationships with no boundaries, feelings of insecurities when encountering people with boundaries as well as resentment. Once realizing that you need healthy boundaries for a healthy lifestyle, including healthy relationships, you can begin setting those boundaries. To some this might appear that you are building up ‘walls’ to keep people out, when in reality it is that person(s) reaction to seeing you do something healthy. It is foreign to them and most likely not well received.
Setting up boundaries in a dysfunctional family dynamic is like throwing a wrench into the inner workings of that family system. Realizing that some family members are going to throw fits for this kind of boundary making is better realized sooner rather than later. Its most likely that when those dysfunctional folks see you doing something healthy it will strike fear into them as you are changing a system that, while dysfunctional and not at all healthy, is familiar and in that comfortable. No one likes change, however change is necessary for healthy growth. If we don’t grow we remain the same, stagnate, and while this is comfy, it is not a place where anything good happens.
Take some time to evaluate your foundations in relationships and see what kind of boundaries you grew up with, healthy, unhealthy, comfortable or ever changing to the person you want to be. Most people have grown up in that dysfunctional dynamic…its apart of being human. I have found that those who are emotionally evolved do not have issues (or as many issues) with boundaries, instead an understanding and promotion of said boundary making. On the other hand, those who buck this new found boundary making will end up telling you how you’ve messed things up or wonder why you don’t come around anymore. A sad truth is that when dealing with these people in your life, some family some friends, its difficult to explain to them in a way that they will truly understand why you’ve made these healthy changes. In my own experiences I’ve found it takes a lot of patience, holding back any negative remarks, and living that positive life that makes you happy until that person(s) comes around to see that what you’ve done is actually the right thing all along.
If you haven’t already made appropriate healthy boundaries, please start thinking about it now. It takes some time, but its well worth it and you’ll be a happier person for it. Boundaries are a person’s best friend!
Love, Peace, and Contentment to each of you